Words to Ponder #25
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Words to Ponder #25

Words to Ponder #25

Here’s a provocative take on anger from Fred Newman (who often advises us to look in the mirror).

Dialogue 52. Dealing with Anger as Activity (From Psychological Investigations: A Clinician’s Guide to Social Therapy)

Student 1: I understand that you believe that expressing anger is a choice. I know that if I don’t want to be mean to people, to hurt people, I have to choose to not be angry.

Fred: Why do you want to give expression to anger as opposed to performing it? When it comes to anger, people often say, “Forget this performance stuff. I want to kick ass.” But why not do a performance of anger instead of hurting somebody? I think people are resistant to performances of anger, because they want to get what they take to be the cash value of anger, which is seeing somebody hurt.

Student 1: I get something from anger.

Fred: What do you get from it?

Student 1: A feeling that—you harmed me and now I have to do something or else I am a fool.

Fred: When people talk about anger, they talk about their being angry in response to what the other person did. But it can’t be that all anger is reactive. Your picture doesn’t include you being the initiator; it’s always the other person. How about the possibility that you are as much the initiator as the other person? Is it worth considering that it’s not simply you defending yourself, but it’s you defending yourself in a way that gives expression to your need to be a perpetrator?

Student 1: It’s ugly.

Fred: Why do something ugly when you can do something beautiful? Performance of anger can be very beautiful. Why would you choose to do anger instead of doing a performance of anger?

Student 1: I’ve stopped looking at it as a choice.

Fred: How did you lose your capacity to choose?

Student 1: You just feel crazy.

Fred: You think crazy people don’t make choices?

Student 1: No.

Fred: I think crazy people make choices the same as everybody else. People want to hide behind crazy. I think you are saying that this is just behavior. “I am overcome by this. I have no choices.” I don’t think that’s true. It’s a lousy performance. Why does someone as talented as you want to do a lousy performance? I hear a defense of lousy performances. Why do we defend them?

Student 2: We have the right.

Fred: Who gave you the right?

Student 2: You imagine that it’s essential to your survival.

Fred: Yes, but in this case, too, it’s you who are always under attack. What about you as the attacker? It’s not just a logical point. It’s helpful to take a good look in the mirror. Anger is easy to justify. It’s a defense mechanism against being attacked, but there always has to be someone doing the attacking.

Student 2: Isn’t there a global sense that we don’t get what we are entitled to – that the world is unfair?

Fred: Absolutely. It’s called religion. The root of the cultural concept of justifiable anger is religion.

Fred Newman, circa 1990

Fred Newman, circa 1990

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5 Comments
  • Tim Buchanan
    Posted at 19:17h, 28 April

    Damn that last sentence sends my off with a big smile towards the weekend and something to write home about or kick around with friends. As “a soldier of God” I begin to recognize Fred’s meaning. Realization and understanding are so amazing and ephemeral.

  • loisholzman
    Posted at 00:43h, 24 April

    I’m so glad you passed it along, Lauren. I hope she ponders also.

  • loisholzman
    Posted at 00:42h, 24 April

    Glad it grabbed you, Diane!
    I think Fred is being literal here, that the historical-cultural root of justifiable anger is religion. The judo-christian-islamic god is very angry! He did lots of angry and vengeful things (look at the Old Testament).
    anger doesn’t always lead to hurt (as Fred was urging those speaking with him to examine, although often it is a cover for being and admitting you feel hurt. There’s all kinds of things to do with anger (as you say, different ways to perform it), for example, build something with it, write a poem, give it away….

  • Lauren
    Posted at 22:21h, 23 April

    I miss Fred so much. I think these words are so important. Lois, thank you for posting it now. I have sent it to a very angry person that I know…..hopefully she will ponder them also.

  • Diane Buscemi
    Posted at 20:30h, 22 April

    Wow. That last sentence really grabbed me. I was wondering if you could say what your take is, Lois,
    on what Fred’s saying, that religion is the root of the cultural concept of justifiable anger? I was also wondering if anger always leads to hurt. Can one be angry with out hurting someone with it? Is that performing anger?

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